Have you ever found yourself completely charmed by someone, only to become close with them and discover they view themselves as godlike or superior to those around them? Perhaps a loved one has made friends with a colleague at work who you notice actively puts down anyone who challenges their inflated self-perception. If these behaviours sound familiar to you, it is possible that you’re dealing with someone living with high-conflict narcissistic personality disorder. Whilst they only make up a small percentage of the population, having professional or personal relationships with these people can be incredibly draining, and it can be difficult to separate yourself once you have grown close with them as you run the risk of becoming a Target of Blame: the object of all of their shortcomings and someone they will seek revenge on socially, emotionally, and sometimes even physically. This information can be quite confronting, but fear not! According to Bill Eddy in his book,“5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life”, you can protect yourself from becoming a Target of Blame by following these guidelines: 

1. Don’t play the blame game. “It’s not me, it’s you” is their line, and stooping to their level isn’t going to improve the situation. Never imply that their behaviours are the cause for you wanting to leave, as this will undoubtably lead to them seeking revenge as a form of self-defense. Similarly, do not put the blame on yourself (eg: “I’m not ready to be in a romantic relationship”) as this validates their instincts to make you the Target of Blame.
2. What’s in it for them? Focus on external reasons as to why you are no longer right for them. Perhaps your friendship was formed over playing soccer and you express that you’re no longer interested in the sport, or maybe they’re a colleague and you have decided it’s best for both of your professional developments to not form close relationships within the workplace. Whatever the reason, it is important that they don’t see it as a rejection of them, but rather a circumstantial change. 
3. Stay calm, but firm. It’s important to enter the conversation cooly and avoid any emotional inflictions in your tone. If you appear nervous or emotionally charged, a high-conflict narcissist will seek to use this against you. Try to remain matter of fact and if they challenge what you’re saying, simply state that it’s your perspective and that you’ve made up your mind. 
4. Keep things short and genuine. Sending an abrupt text message or dragging the separation out over weeks is not going to make things easier. Instead, conduct a calm, in person conversation that lasts a few minutes. This will refortify to the other person that your decision isn’t a big deal and is not an attack on their character. 
5. Show them respect. Narcissists want to be admired by others, so expressing your respect for them can soften any feelings of rejection they may be experiencing (eg: “Even though I won’t be pursuing any relationships in my workplace, I’m still so inspired by your career growth, and I look forward to seeing what amazing work you’ll do next!”). Although you may not be telling them the whole truth, it is important not to lie. Find something you can genuinely compliment them for, or they may grow suspicious. 
6. Consider seeking professional support. If you’re concerned that these steps won’t be enough to avoid becoming a Target of Blame, it can be very useful to consult a therapist who can help you navigate the specific narcissistic behaviours you are dealing with and equip you with the tools you’ll need to successfully break away. It’s important to remember that people with high conflict personalities do not think and behave in line with the social rules most of us are accustomed to, which is why having a professional who can guide your communication is so valuable.